No More Circles

On Sunday I went to a corn maze to celebrate the fall months and welcome the frigid air. The maze started out surprisingly easy. I began to think to myself, “come on this is not what mazes are about. They are about getting lost and the challenge of finding your way out.” Of course it wasn’t long though before we began to walk in circles and get frustrated over passing the same signs over and over. It is funny how when things are too easy we say, “bring on the challenges,” yet when the challenges come we get frustrated and begin complaining. This pretty much defines my last two weeks, lost (hence no blog update in that time). In these two weeks I subbed for two different classes, both pretty challenging groups. I found myself being short with the students and turning into the kind of teacher I despise. I felt far from gracious and loving and literally felt like I was walking in circles. I got frustrated with myself because I wasn’t handling things the way that I thought I could. I began to complain to friends when things were not going the way that I wanted. This time back in Washington is supposed to be about spending time with family/friends, support raising, and teaching on the side because I love teaching. But here I was over committing myself and allowing this stress to pour into my life that just caused me to become someone that I am not. My breaking point was Tuesday night. You know that point when you come to the end of yourself and you finally realize that trying to do things by your own strength gets you nowhere. Praise God for these times and things that knock me in the head and remind me that I need Jesus. Because of the strength of Jesus and His grace and love I was able to end my day on Friday with a smile and even cheer on some of the students in their school soccer game.

On Sunday I had the privilege of speaking at my home church. Through speaking the Lord reminded me of the vision, passion, and desires that He has placed within my heart. How amazing that just a week ago my heart felt cold and hard, yet today through Jesus I am filled instead with joy and warmth. And even though being filled with joy and warmth is enough, Jesus also blessed me through encouraging words from my fellow brothers and sisters. After I shared I received so many kind words and so many were interested in hearing more about southern Sudan. And the awesomeness continued through getting an opportunity to meet one of the Lost Boys who just happened to show up to my home church on this Sunday of all Sundays. I couldn’t have hidden my excitement even if I tried. As people came up to me to ask more questions, I wanted to answer them, but I was more excited to introduce this man I don’t even know because it is stories like his that draw my heart more and more to s. Sudan. It was a day full of undeserved blessings.

I praise God for reawakening my neediness and helping me realize that I was getting lost in my circumstances. He is the one that I am living for and therefore there is no reason I should feel lost.
“In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.” Exodus 15:13