Neediness

For those of you who know me, you know that I do not like to come across as a needy person. I would much rather be that person who helps the needy, the one who steps up and does things for others, the person that people can always count on. So, here I am in the middle of raising support for southern Sudan and there is no way around displaying my neediness. This last week though I realized that raising support is not just about my need for prayer and financial support. Don’t get me wrong, those are very important and I won’t be able to go to Sudan without support from individuals and churches, but support raising is first and foremost about my need for Jesus. The Lord does not need me to write e-mails/letters or to make phone calls. The only need is my own. The Lord knows my need and He is more than capable to provide without my help. But yet He invites me to walk with Him because through this invitation my faith will increase. It is very possible that with each e-mail and phone call my monthly support may not increase at all. But what will increase is my dependence and trust in the Lord. When I finally do reach 100% of my support it will be because He is the Ultimate Provider. I will continue to walk with my Father because I know that through each e-mail, phone call, or meeting I am reminded of my need for Him. I want to embrace these opportunities to express my neediness and to hold tight to the truth that without Jesus it would all be pointless. So, today I thank Jesus for my neediness. And I continue to pray that through my neediness and weakness I would become more and more aware of His strength and Almighty Presence.

From Doing to Being

These days I feel like I am just going through the motions of life. It is like I have forgotten what I am doing, doing being the imperative word which I will get back to in a minute. On Monday i was thrown a little off course as I walked into the primary school that I was to sub at for the next four days, to find out that I would not be teaching, but would be assisting a handful of teachers with various aid jobs because their classes are overloaded. I will confess that my first thought was "Are you kidding me?" I couldn't help but begin to think about what I would rather be doing or about my long to do list waiting for me back home. I left Monday feeling like I had been in the way more than helpful. But later that evening I also felt frustrated and gross over my poor attitude. This is when I realized that I have returned to an ongoing struggle. A struggle where I think time is waisted if I am not doing what I think I should be doing. And we are back to the doing. This is where I have things a little mixed up, thinking that the doing is the most important thing. It is true that doing is an important part of life. We should get out of bed each day, eat, support our families, invest in relationships, etc. But it is when we rely on this doing to bring complete fulfillment that the mixing up begins to happen and we will instead feel empty. Instead of waking up each morning and asking myself, "What am I going to do today?" I need to instead be saying, "Lord, I long to be close to you today."
For each day is a day with the Lord, a day to reflect His character, to walk by faith, to grow, and to find fullfillment through an intimate relationship with Jesus.

"Even the most routine part of your day can be an act of spiritual worship, holy and pleasing to Me." Sarah Young (Jesus Calling)

The Thrill of the Ride

I hope I am one of those people who continue to enjoy the thrills of vertical drops well into my golden years.
This past weekend I went camping in northern Idaho with two friends that I have known since 3rd grade. It was a carefree weekend full of fun, excitement, and lots of laughter. With a lot of history comes a lot of reminiscing. We have walked through many seasons of life together, from curious childhood to awkward adolescence. We have walked together through those confusing times of figuring out who we are and who we want to become. And now here we are and even though we still don't have everything figured out, we grasp onto the moments when we can enjoy the thrill of the ride.This weekend I was reminded again how I have been blessed with great friends. Friends who I have truly experienced life with, both the good and the bad, and through it all we have watched one another grow. It is weekends like this, when you are pulled out of the routines of daily life, that you can truly kickback and really enjoy what is right in front of you.
I still don't know what the next few months are going to look like let alone the next week, but I am ready to take one day on at a time. Bring on the rollercoasters!!